Settled! Madge Keeps Her Cash, Guy Sees The Kids

What a disappointment! The Madonna-Guy Ritchie divorce settlement was all amicable and diplomatic, with not a drop of drama in sight. Madge will be keeping most of the $300 billion she’s earned gyrating and starring in terrible movies, and sons Rocco and David will split their time between their mom and dad’s houses in America and Britain, respectively. Madonna had apparently wanted all the kids to live with her in New York, but Guy refused to be steamrolled, and will get to see his sons in London. Lourdes will be chilling with her mother in the Big Apple full time.

Friends say that Guy could have grabbed a massive wad of his ex-wife’s cash, but claim he took the high road instead. “He could have hugely boosted his bank balance and set himself up for life, but he already feels he has enough money,” said a pal. “He also didn’t want the whole thing dragging on in the public gaze for months and months and, in any case, his priority was the children’s future.”

So even though Madonna kept her cash, Guy wins the reputation war - which is the biggest battle of all, right?  [Photo: AFP]

Twilight, the movie that’s inciting Beatles-level hysteria in teens around the country, opens on Friday. Based on the beloved series of books by the same name, the movie stars Brit heartthrob Robert Pattinson as head garlic-hater Edward Cullen, a vampire who falls for mortal teen Kristen Stewart. But Pattinson’s perfectly tossled hair, cerulean eyes and pointy teeth are just the latest in a lengthy tradition of hot vampires. From Brad Pitt to Salma Hayek to Kate Beckinsale, find out who else we’d let suck our blood.

Robert Pattinson stars as Edward Cullen in Twilight, the story of a vampire who falls in love with a teenage girl, but the actor could have his pick. "What is with all the screaming?" the vampiric hunk said at the film's premiere. [Photo: Summit Entertainment]

With a name like Satanico Pandemonium, what else could Salma Hayek be but a stripping vampire? The gorefest featured director Quentin Tarantino in a starring role, until Salma goes for his jugular. [Photo: Miramax]

You'd be forgiven for not remembering Monica Bellucci's turn in Dracula, as she was one the Count's many brides. She did, however, flash some serious skin. [Photo: Columbia Pictures]

Brad Pitt starred as bloodsucker Louis in the film adaptation of the Anne Rice novel Interview With A Vampire. We'd let him suck our blood any day. [Photo: Warner Home Video]

As vampire warrior Selene, Kate Beckinsale -- clad in a skin-tight leather suit -- wages war against werewolves, until she falls for one, embarking on an inter-monster-species love affair. [Photo: Columbia Pictures]

Just before her untimely death, singer Aaliyah starred as Queen Akasha in Queen of the Damned. [Photo: Warner Brothers]

As Deacon Frost, the nemesis to Wesley Snipes' Blade in the movie of the same name, Stephen Dorff wants his bloodthirsty race to rule the humans. [Photo: New Line Cinema]

Stuart Townsend starred as Lestat in Queen of the Damned, which featured beloved vampire as a rock star. So that's what Marilyn Manson is! [Photo: Warner Brothers]

It's bizarre that comparatively, Tom Cruise seems normal in his role as the vampire Lestat. Cruise shared a bloody clinch with Pitt in Interview With A Vampire to make him one of the undead. [Photo: Warner Home Video]

Bond babe Olga Kurylenko once played a garlic-hater in Paris, je t'aime, a series of stories set in Paris. Kurylenko meets a backpacker when he finds her with a victim. [Photo: First Look International]

After escaping Buffy's wrath (and stakes), David Boreanaz starred as Angel in the Buffy The Vampire Slayer spin-off. [Photo: Fox Home Entertainment]

Kiefer Sutherland was the head of a blood-sucking gang in The Lost Boys. [Photo: Warner Bros.]

People love starting rumors about celebs kicking the bucket, and while the trend has picked up steam in recent years, we’re old enough to trace back it to the Great Mayim Bialik Is Dead Rumor of 1997. Just last week the Miley Cyrus rumor was all the rage, and now we’ve moved on to Robert Pattinson, the hair-groping star of Twilight. But of course he’s still alive, eagerly promoting his new movie to the billions of horny tween girls who are going to pad his pockets with cash. Phew!

If pictures of a hot British actor making odd faces and rubbing grease into his hair are your thing, click below.  [Photo: GettyImages]

[Photo: WireImage]

[Photo: GettyImages]

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[Photo: GettyImages]

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[Photo: GettyImages]

What’s Winona Ryder been up to lately? Nope, not working on a sequel to Beetlejuice, sadly. She’s been too busy getting her stomach pumped in England! The actress - whose once-promising career has been replaced by general shoplifting-related weirdness - overdosed on a plane from L.A. to London this week after taking too many Xanax pills. Apparently she’s a very anxious flier, and went a little nuts with her anxiety meds. “She turned a deathly shade of pale,” said a fellow passenger. “It was scary.”

Winona’s condition forced the plane to land early, and she was taken to a hospital where she had her stomach pumped and was later released. But this incident is just the latest in what has become the very strange life of Winona Ryder. Since her arrest for shoplifting in 2001, her career has floundered. Gone are the days of Winona Forever tattoos and blowing up high schools with Christian Slater. Will her role in JJ Abrams‘ new Star Trek flick help revive our favorite actress of the 80s and 90s? Maybe, but only if her personal life tags along for the ride.  [Photo: WireImage]

Hugh Jackman may have been crowned People’s Sexiest Man Alive today, but we’d rather pay some attention to Deborra-Lee Furness—better known as Mrs. Hugh Jackman. Jackman waxed rhapsodic about his wife to the magazine, noting that she’s quick to denounce rumors that he’s gay, and that she’s always turned on when he comes home dressed in character, yelling “Do your sexy dance for me!” Yeah, he said that out loud.

Looking at the more haggard photos of his wife, you might think that the older woman really lucked out to grab this rising star twelve years ago, when the two were co-starring on the Australian TV series Corelli. But the more we look at photos of the couple, the more Scandalist believes these fugly-prone dorks totally belong together. Check out their hysterical red carpet get-ups in the gallery below to see just what we’re talking about.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

That's not the Sexiest Man Alive's nanny---that's his wife.
[Photo:Splash News Online]

Deborra-Lee Furness and the Sexiest Sunglasses Alive.
[Photo:Splash News Online]

WAIT FOR US, SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!
[Photo:Splash News Online]

Deborra-Lee brings the gray boa to the premiere of Australia. Oh yeah, Hugh loves that gray boa. Sexiest gray boa alive.
[Photo: Getty Images]

This photo: 1987 or 1997? They say it's the latter, but we'd beg to differ.
[Photo: Getty Images]

THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN IN 2000. FOR REAL. WTF, AUSTRALIA? DID MIAMI VICE GET THERE LATE?
[Photo: Getty Images]

Too...much...ivory...
[Photo: Getty Images]

Think they designed their own neckwear?
[Photo: Getty Images]

Nobu opened a restaurant in Melbourne...and Deborra-Lee was there!
[Photo: Getty Images]

Ok, the beard (on his face) is clearly for X-Men, but her sequined sleeve? Not so explicable.
[Photo: Getty Images]

Jesus and Murphy Brown go on a date.
[Photo: Getty Images]

Hot.
[Photo: Getty Images]

• Paris and Benji: no more?! We hope Paris’ almost sister-in-law Nicole Richie had a hand in this break up!  [DListed]
• Everyone’s distracted by Scarlett Johansson’s glorious boobs, not just you.  [BWE.tv]
• We have a crush on this hot 25-year-old hacker named Virgil Griffith. [Buzzfeed]
• We see London, we see France, we see Eva Longoria’s underpants Spanx.  [Seriously? OMG!]
• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur - probably because Oprah told her to do it.  [Hollyscoop]
• Best new couple ever: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Turtle from Entourage!  [ICYDK]
• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital today. Sad face.  [I'mNotObsessed]

After reading the details of Jennifer Garner’s court case against Steven Burkey, Scandalist is scared of her stalker, too! In the papers, Jen says that, “Mr. Burkey has been stalking and harassing me,” and sending “packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts and following me around the country …”

Burkey’s been after Jen since 2002, but his antics have escalated recently. He once approached her at an event with a rose and his contact info; another time he showed up at her house and said that, “God has sent him a vision of her being persecuted in some manner that may result in her death.”

Jen also expressed her anxiety in the document, stating, “I am currently pregnant and fear for the safety of my second child once born.” The actress currently has a temporary restraining order against the guy, and tomorrow a judge will decide whether or not to make it permanant. We’d say it’s probably a good idea.  [TMZ.  Photo: GettyImages]

Lindsay Lohan can’t resist ruining a good thing. Samantha Ronson is sweet, stable and has hot legs, and yet all Lindsay can think of is flirting with her ex-boyfriend Calum Best. That’s the story out of London today, where Lindsay ruffled her girlfriend’s feathers after she apparently danced with former flame Calum Best at the Boujis nightclub. Shouldn’t a maneater like Linds know better than to pit her current flame against her ex?

The result was the usual routine Sam and LiLo go through just about every night: Sam got jealous. They fought inside their car after leaving the club at 3:45 AM. Lindsay cried. Sam stomped off into their hotel. Lindsay sat in the car for ten minutes.

We’ve got ‘em pictured above leaving the club right before the shizz hit the fan. Sam sure looks pissed, but Lindsay’s smiling. Thinking sweet thoughts of Calum, perhaps? [Photo: Splash News Online]

Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently doing everything in her power to convince tabloids that she is this close to dumping her husband Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay. She’s doing the usual stuff that most women do to signal a marriage is over: filming a reality show in Spain with fat chef Mario Batali, chilling in Miami for the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, and hanging out with billionaire hotelier Jeff Soffer. “Gwyneth doesn’t have anything to do with Victoria’s Secret,” hissed one envious spy. “If things were so great with Chris, why wouldn’t she be with him?” Another added, “she certainly didn’t act like a happily married woman.”

Wow ladies, jealous much? If Gwynnie is thinking of leaving her British hubby, we’d suggest she time the split to happen when he ends things with his band. Chris told the Daily Express that Coldplay is trying to cram as much playing into 2009, as he’s not interested in turning out snoozey hits much longer. “I’m 31 now and I don’t think that bands should keep going past 33,” he said.

Neither should marriages, Chris! [NME. NYP. Photo: GettyImages]

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This new Star Trek trailer is bananas. Sexed up, CGI bananas. First we see a kid zooming towards a cliff in a red Corvette before he’s interrupted by some space cop on a hover bike. “I’m James Tiberius Kirk!” says the sprat. Before the kid can start whining about power converters, we see a twenty-something Jimmy T zooming on a non-hovering motorcycle towards a ginormous space compound. This is followed by a modicum of Spock action (Zachary Quinto lovers must be annoyed that Heroes‘ sexy Sylar is stuck wearing a bowl cut and pointy ears in this) before Star Fleet members start running around and blowing shit up. In between quick shots of explosions, fights and supporting cast members Simon Pegg (Scotty!) and John Cho (Sulu!), a lady strips to her bra, with Kirk leaping on top of her. Engage!

The plot may seem uncertain, but the message is clear: there will be aliens, there will be CGI and there will be sex. Oh, yes, there will be sex.