Gossip Break: Lindsay’s Lonely

• High school pics of Verne Troyer? Yes, please!  [DListed]
• Being a working mother is taking a toll on Katie Holmes. Perhaps it’s time to get a manny?  [Seriously?OMG!]
• The guy who created Barbie was obsessed with sex. Weird, you think he would have given them some genitals.  [Buzzfeed]
• Pick Katy Perry’s next boyfriend (no, it can’t be you).  [MTVBuzzworthy]
• Jamie-Lynn Spears is getting married. Britney can be the Nut of Honor!  [I'mNotObsessed]
• Jett Travolta will be buried today near the family’s home in Ocala, Florida.  [Hollyscoop]
• There is something oddly pleasing about this picture of Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell on jet skis together.  [Jezebel]
• Lindsay Lohan spotted shopping without Sam Ronson. It’s soooo over!  [ICYDK]

[Photo: Splash News Online]

• Gwyneth Paltrow wants to share her “very unique life” with us little people. No thanks!  [DListed]
• A guy in Louisville is offering free oral sex to ladies, and has the website from 1996 to prove it.  [Buzzfeed]
• We agree with BWE - this is the dumbest magazine cover ever.  [BWE]
• Scarlett Johansson totally knew she was going to get engaged.  [PITNB]
• We had all but forgotten about Suzanne Somers, but here she is, still mastering her thighs!  [Seriously? OMG!]
• Jennifer Connelly is apparently all skinny because she’s sad about losing her father.  [Hollyscoop]
• Madonna flaunts her goods in her new Louis Vuitton ad.  [Gawker]

[Photo: FilmMagic]

• Is Kate Moss knocked up, or has she just finally gained five pounds?  [DListed]
• Barack Obama was caught on tape back in 2001 dishing on restaurants in his old Chicago hood. Yes we can get brunch, Mr. President. Call us!  [Buzzfeed]
• Craig Ferguson tied the knot in a secret Vermont wedding, Beyonce style.  [Seriously? OMG!]
• Michael Phelps + Brody Jenner = Bromance?  [BWE]
• Kate Winslet looks more depressed in person than the characters she portrays on film.  [UKPopSugar]
• Oprah admitted to fans yesterday on her show that she’s been feelin’ depressed. You’d think her millions might cheer her up - or pay for meds, at least.  [Socialite'sLife]
• Carrie Underwood is dating yet another jock.  [Hollyscoop]

• Aubrey O’Day will apparently be posing in Playboy for $500,000. Least shocking news of 2009 thus far!  [Bossip]
• Britney Spears‘ Twitter account got hacked, ya’ll! [HollywoodGossip]
• Malia and Sasha Obama headed off to their new D.C. school today. We have a feeling it took them about five minutes to become the most popular girls ever.  [Buzzfeed]
• Katie Holmes is keeping the NYC economy alive, one pair of ugly jeans at a time.  [DListed]
• Before Benjamin Button, Brad Pitt heated things up in a Pringles commercial.  [Seriously? OMG!]
• The Most Provocative Lists Of 2009 - So Far.  [GorillaMask]
• Yes, man! Everyone hates Jim Carrey’s new movie.  [BWE]

[Photo: Complex]

• Balthazar Getty is probably about to get fired. Luckily he can cry on Sienna Miller’s skank-shoulder.  [DListed]
• In what is arguably the greatest reality TV moment of 2008, a chick on Momma’s Boys freaks out about ‘not getting a date.’  [BWE]
• In an attempt to be ironic and retro, John Mayer covered Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas.” Answer: sex with Jennifer Aniston?  [Seriously? OMG!]
• Rumors are flying that Apple head Steve Jobs is dying. Saying this totally sucks doesn’t even begin to cover it.  [Buzzfeed]
• Who were the best celebrity pot smokers of 2008? Grab your bong and then click to find out, brahs.  [Cityrag]
• Tom Cruise is receiving death threats. Maybe it’s just his other two kids trying to reach him?  [IDLYITW]
• Katy Perry bikini pics - hot or cold?  [Egotastic]

• Prince Harry reminds us all that royals - when vacationing on a beach with their shirts off - are damn hot.  [DListed]
• This video of a pit bull cuddling with a kitty cat is sure to erase your back-to-work blues.  [Buzzfeed]
• J.Lo and Marc Anthony are supposedly planning on breaking up right after Valentine’s Day, because nothing that diva (we mean Marc, obvs) does can be simple and discreet.  [Seriously? OMG!]
• Adorable nerd-crush Zooey Deschanel is engaged to adorable nerd Ben Gibbard of Death Cab For Cutie.  [JustJared]
• The best - and worst - of Benjamin Button’s backwards fashion choices.  [BWE]
• Drew Barrymore has latched her man-eating lips on to Judd Apatow BFF Jason Segal.  [Hollyscoop]

• Baz Luhrmann is bringing the Great Gatsby to the big screen.  [DListed]
• Ohhhhh - new promo pics for The Hills spin-off The City are out, and the girls look skinny-minny.  [PITNB]
• Diddy dishes on his CSI appearance next week, in his usual, confusing Diddy speak.  [BWE]
• Fergie and Josh Duhamel plan super-boring celebrity wedding for next month!  [Seriously? OMG]
• Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island guys are putting out an album - expect a lot of Timberlake on there to help bring funny back.  [Buzzfeed]
• Pick the most interesting love triangle of 2008!  [PopSugar]
• Jen and John do dinner. Snooze.  [I'mNotObsessed]

• This video of a cat sliding into a box over and over again pretty much sums up the pre-holidaze mood we’re in.  [DListed]
• The SAG nominees are in, and they’re what you’d expect.  [Seriously? OMG]
• Not what you’d expect - the Video Game Awards. Now that’s more our speed of awesomeness!  [Spike]
• Victoria Beckham describes her style has “very British.” Funny, we’d say very alien. Same thing? [BWE]
• R.I.P. Sparks - every college students’ favorite caffeine-spiked malt liquor is no longer. Sorry kids.  [Gawker]
• Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are “married,” even though they’re not technically married. Ugh, celebrities.  [Hollyscoop]
• Cam Diaz and her boyfriend are the perfect pair.  [ICYDK]
• Dying to know what Jennifer Aniston’s favorite yoga poses are? Hint: She likes balancing and resting.  [FitSugar]

• Are J.Lo and Marc Anthony on the rocks? We hope so!  [DListed]
• OMG! Fashion Week is totally not going to happen this year, cuz everyone is broke.  [Buzzfeed]
• Weird news of the day: this man’s pet dog turned out to be a rare fox. [BWE]
• Kelly Kapowski is knocked up, and it’s not Zack Morris‘ baby. Gasp!  [Seriously? OMG!]
• Jodi Sweetin’s ex accused her of driving their kid around while effed up on drugs.  [Hollyscoop]
• Watch out L.A. - Britney’s back in town!  [I'mNotObsessed]

Socks, President Clinton’s cat, is close to death. Poor Bill—he’s not used to losing pussy. [Dlisted]

Lady Sovereign is back and dressed like a Baseball Fury! We’re not sold on the track, but we love the new look. [Best Week Ever]

Jennifer Aniston was recently scouting for BFs just in case John Mayer didn’t want to hit the Marley & Me premiere. Not that we would have blamed him. [Page Six]

Sondra Fortunato got kicked out of a Giants game for being too hot. Haters! [Buzzfeed]

Jason Castro hopes you’ll download his new Christmas single once you’re done LOLing at the cover. [Seriously! OMG]

OJ Simpson may have paid off a witness. Lot of good that did him. [Bossip]