Citizen Scandal: Over 20% Of Teen Girls Have Had Sext

Before you condemn Miley Cyrus for accidentally filling the net with self-shot cheesecake, make sure the adolescents in your life aren’t following her lead. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 22 percent of teenage girls have sent semi-nude or nude photos of themselves to others, or posted them online. A full quarter said they’ve been sent private photos of other underage teens they weren’t meant to see. For boys, that number goes up to a third. Today featured the story of Megan in their expose, and why the girl may never be able to win a public office:

I was with my friend and we were busy texting a couple of boys we were friends with at the time. They sent us a picture of them without their shirts on, and we just kind of decided to send one back [of the girls in their bras]. They didn’t think it was a big deal, [so the boys] just kept sending it to other people. I really don’t think I would ever do anything like that ever again.

Parents looking for a new way to humiliate their kids can now ask if they’ve ever ’sex-ted’ anyone. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has a list of five things a parent can do, but we can winnow it down to two: 1. Tell your kids that shit gets out, and 2. Watch that kid’s every f*cking move. Maybe there’s a way to keep the images from being copied? Someone needs to invent safe sexting.

According to the lawsuit filed by 49-year-old John Singer of Queens, the trouble started when his mother was interviewed by Centropa, a European website about Jewish culture. Mama was quoted “My second son was born in 1959. Neither of my sons were circumcised at birth…,” which she claims never to have said. Singer reported this to the website before they published the piece in 2005, but, despite claims it would be removed, the quote ran in full.

Earlier this year, Singer was shocked to find the article online in its unaltered form, and contacted the website, which finally clipped off the falsehood. Though he no longer has to fear googlers getting the wrong idea about his penis, “[he] has received severe emotional harm and damage to his reputation as a result of the defamatory statement,” according to the lawsuit he’s filed against the site. Now he knows why everyone looked at him funny at synagogue!

“They have violated my right to privacy of the most private part of my anatomy,” said Singer in a statement. “I was assured by Centropa’s director that this material regarding my genitalia would never be published. Despite that assurance, they published it anyway.” Congratulations, John. Now even more people are reading about your dick.

A Manhattan man tried to punish his cheating wife by burning her sh*t, but ended up having his own future go up in flames when his poorly executed plan for revenge went awry and he got himself arrested.

According to a member of law enforcement on the scene, “…he found out his wife was cheating on Wednesday night, so Thursday evening when he got home from work, he piled her belongings in the middle of their apartment and lit a match to them.” After losing control of the fire, he then tried to disguise his plan. He allegedly ran out of his midtown apartment building only to run back a few minutes later screaming, “Fire! Fire!” in an attempt to pretend he had nothing to do with it.

Other residents of the building were onto him, the cops were called, and he was promptly arrested. Although a hundred or so residents of the building were stuck out in the cold last night while the fire that torched two floors of the building was put out, they were ultimately glad to see him arrested and carted off.

“No one liked him,” one resident told Scandalist. [Photo:Getty Images]

There may be less than a month to go, but Christopher Ford of Indiantown, Florida is still hoping to win Boyfriend Of The Year. While Ford was probably not the only man to be disappointed with his girlfriend’s cooking this Thanksgiving, he may have been the only one to express his annoyance by taking a sweet potato pie and shoving it in her face. What a card!

Sadly, the pie was fresh from the oven, and scalded the unappreciated cook. Being a chivalrous fellow, the 46-year-old ran out of the back door of the house when the woman’s three teenage sons followed her screams into the kitchen. Police found Ford later that night, who was charged with domestic battery, while the woman was treated for burns and blisters at a nearby medical center. No word on whether she’s made this champ a meal since.

[Photo: Time & Life]

Here’s a dreamboat for all you single ladies out there: Meet Nicholas Densmore, a twenty-year-old hunk from Clearwater, Florida. Nicholas likes long walks on the beach, cuddling, tear drop tattoos, and sexually assaulting dogs. Yep, you heard that one right. The dude’s a dog rapist, and was sentenced to four years in prison last week for sexually assaulting his grandparents’ Yorkshire terrier, Dutches.

Densmore’s grandmother apparently caught the classy catch in the act, screwing the animal in a motor home located at the back of their house. When he realized he had been discovered, he grabbed the poor pup by the neck and ran. Dutches was later found “whimpering in a trash bin.”

Densmore, who has an IQ of 83 and is apparently schizophrenic, will undergo psychological evaluation in addition to jail time. Dutches, thankfully, has fully recovered, though Scandalist - after reading this story - may not.  [Photo: Splash News Online]

When Zhang Kui’s wife was rendered comatose after an industrial accident, he quickly grew exasperated with the usual methods of attempting revival. “I played the radio, sang and talked to her, even tickled her, but nothing worked.” Learning that the foot is “home for many nerves,” he began nibbling on her toes. Ta-dah…it worked! While she’s still unable to speak, she’s now moving her arms and smiling. Hope lives.

Not that the toe-biting had immediate results. The Chinese man noshed on his wife’s feet for ten years before getting any positive results. If he was frustrated by the lack of response to talking and tickling, why was he willing to spend ten years sucking on those piggies? On second thought, don’t answer that.

For over a decade, police in Wallingford, Connecticut have tried to figure out why houses around a certain part of town keep getting hit by stray bullets. Could the shots be coming from the nearby shooting range? While a recent investigation, like those held in 1997 and 2000, points towards that big place where people pay to fire guns, police have been hesitant to actually put a stop to it.

While there has been no ballistic confirmation that the nine bullets found over the last six months came from the range (yes, police took six months to check this shit out), the houses were well within the horizontal range of the weapons. The range owner had also removed baffles meant to keep the place safe after customers complained. “[Owner David Lyman] advised state police investigators that he was receiving complaints from patrons of the range that they could not stand to shoot because of the baffles…Mr. Lyman advised state police investigators that he would not allow any more shooting at these positions and would reinstall the baffles upon learning that residences had been struck again.” Aw, how nice of him!

While the Department of Environmental Protection briefly shut the range down over the summer after the safety of nearby hikers was called into question, “significant” improvements allowed the range to be re-opened. But if Lyman has removed safety measures to appease shooters before, you can’t blame resident Pat DiNatale for going through with an injunction to close the range. “It’s always the same conclusion, but no one ever does anything,” said DiNatalie. When does it stop? When do they do something?” When somebody gets shot, Pat. Duh.

Thanksgiving is a time for thanks. It’s a time for family and a time for community. So it’s heartwarming to hear that when a woman is carjacked, her neighbors will rise up and thwack the criminal on the head with a frozen turkey.

After robbing a convenience store in Fuquay-Varina, NC, Fred Ervin ran to a grocery store parking lot and began to beat a woman for her car keys. Though Ervin gained possession of her car, bystanders succeeded in whacking him on the head with the frozen turkey she’d purchased before his escape. His injury may have explained why he went on to hit five cars before escaping. “He backed across, and he hit the Cadillac and hit our car and hit another car that was parked,” said a shopper.

When police found Ervin, he was suffering from a serious head wound and taken to the hospital. When he gets out, he’ll be charged with robbery and multiple counts of assault. No word on whether the turkey will be given police commendation before it’s eaten. It’s too late for a pardon, after all.

A vandal’s reign of terror hopefully came to an end on Wednesday morning, when a 35-year-old man was arrested for a series of grotesque, ass-related crimes in Valentine, Nebraska. Yes, they’ve finally caught the Butt Bandit.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the story, a man has roamed the streets of Valentine at night since Spring 2007, pressing his ass cheeks against the windows of local buildings and leaving a stain of petroleum jelly and lotion. Churchs, schools, businesses—no plate of glass was too sacred for the Butt Bandit. One night, he even managed to leave his assprint on every window of a hotel. Damn you, Butt Bandit! Always one step ahead!

While the suspect’s identity has yet to be released, the culprit (based on a blurry security cam image) was described as a thin man over six feet tall with dark “1980s, feathered” hair. While we’d love to see a mugshot (Feathered hair! Yes!), Scandalist also hopes they take a photo of his Prince/Fartman-style assless pants.

If he wasn’t wearing assless pants, we’re very disappointed.

Ida Cody of Polk County, Florida is suing her husband William for half of the $1.9 million he won in May ‘07 from the state lottery. According to Ida, she loaned her husband the $20 he used to buy the ticket. Here’s the catch: Ida and William have been separated since 1982.

Ida says that she and William have maintained a cordial, social relationship despite splitting up 26 years ago (they had married in 1974). Even after Ida had children with other men, she says the two remained friends…up until he refused to give her half of his lottery winnings like he’d promised.

William, unsurprisingly, says he never borrowed money for a lottery ticket from her (he allegedly has store credit), let alone promised he’d split the winnings. “No, I didn’t say that to Ida, to nobody,” he said in court. So is William being ungrateful for the support his sorta-wife has given him all these years, or is Ida trying to keep her ex from living a life of riches without her? You know, it’s not too late for them to send this case over to Judge Judy.